This entire week is gonna be so packed because I'm gonna squeeze the entire J1 syllabus into my head(hopefully) for all my 4 main subjects. Man.. Possible? Of course it's possible, I believe I can! Okay have to start planning my study plan.. Seriously, I don't understand why we are back for lesson during our sept holidays.. It's really unproductive and it interrupts our own study plan . TSK.
***************************************
These days.. I feel pretty empty.. I feel like a hollow sphere.. I'm not sad or angry but not entirely happy either.. It's just ..empty.. I think I need to sit down and start thinking what I want and see myself in 5 years or even 10 years.. I should not let my head get irritated by the little silly things that are surrounding me.. Think BIGGER! C'mon.. For as long I have You with me, I have nothing to fear :))
Suppose to pray with Yanjun last night but I dozed off.. Hmmm She will be coming to my house later! Hmm can pray together with her :)) Can ask Kendra to join tooo..
Clarrie, pull yourself up from this mess that you have created.. and cast away those feelings and focus on more important things like studies, family and friends.. Don't disappoint those who ever so love you.. And don't look down on yourself.. You have been created for a purpose.. Yes.. So cast away those inferiorities and move on with life!
'.. that there is a miracle waiting for you this minute, - please make room for it in your thinking.'
God has no need to prove anything to you, so if you don't believe in miracles, you are not likely to receive one. How do you believe in miracles? You believe by keeping your eyes open, - miracles often come in ways unexpected, and might leave unrecognized unless you pay attention.
Cast those insecurities away.. and those feelings away
My 64th parchment:
Had tuition in the afternoon! Goodness me.. Hate Economics but i shall learn to love it..
Whoa! Relevance today and bearing fruit.. Man it can't get any better.. Worship was amazing..
..had a talk in which I stumbled over my words..Sometimes it's so difficult it's as if I'm shouting out but there 's no voice coming out.. I'm loss for words.. I wonder why it always gets me this hard..
Had supper with mummy after I reached homeeee!
**************************************
I'm worried.. The feelings I'm getting is scaring me again.. I want it to go away but it won't.. It's annoying me so much.. it's back to haunt me again..I'm scared.. Can it please go away.. It's really getting on my nerves everytime I feel like that.. Can you give me an answer? If this continues, I swear i don't know what to do.. I'm terrified at the state of my normality.. I think I'm abnormal.. I have lost so many things throughout my 17 years of living.. Don't let me lose a friend yet again because of this silly thing.. Cast away everything please..
Sometimes I think if I was given a choice, I hope I could never feel or have any emotion cos it's affecting me too much.. I cannot take it..
Man, the headaches are killing me..Okay gotta sleep early man..
Ignore me.. But not too long k? It's cold to stand out here alone
My 63rd parchment:
Clarrie didn't go school today.. Slight sore throat and headache.. Hmm Got well after a good sleep.. Met someone name Keric from Deyi today.. Awesome fellow.. Accompanied Yanjun to buy her nanny stuff for a bunch of Jap 'babies' tomorrow.. Haha.. Happiest time of the day man.. Everybody needs to rest more k.. All look so tired.. Hmm=((
********************************
These days are pretty cold.. Even when the sun is shining ever so brightly.. Oh. Because I mastered the art of invisibility. Hey it works so well even I cannot believe it.. The sheer emptiness is so reachable that I don't have to stretch out for it.. cos it's just right in my face.. ah! it triggered some inspiration of mine
Blindsight
I stand in the doorway looking back
I see everything but who gives a heck
I silently mouth the word ' Bye'
Hoping to hear a faint... 'bye'
but hey, it's okay.. I'm fine
I laughed at my own joke behind the door
I talk to myself so I know it's not hollow
I write notes to myself so I feel a presence
Yet only my dog stares at me when I'm done
but hey, it's okay.. I'm fine
Soon, there was no jokes, laughter or voice
I could laugh no further or bear writing notes
Even the dog wandered off to sleep-bored , I guess
Told myself hey, it's okay.. I'm fine
I guess it's just a blindsight.. should be fine..
Clarrie Ng 2358hr
Fresh from my head.. I guess this is how it goes.. Facing all these.. I have been warned .. C'mon.. It's not over! I'll show you who's losing the fight because that person aint me! I'm standing ever so tall and high.. You haven't seen the BEST of me yet.. Take the arrows and shoot me all over again.. yeah.. it hurts but nah.. after sometimes, I get immuned to the pain.. It's not painful anymore.. no more.. more painful as it gets..
Just keep loving.. Throw that temper away and just smile
My 62nd parchment:
((= Throw that temper away.. Just keep smiling..It' s not that difficult to smile eh? I just learn it today. With one smile, I raise the smiles of several others.. Wah.. I'm not gonna be bitter.. No.. You see the faces when people eat bittergourd.. Scrunched and twisted.. Man.. I would not like that face haha.. When people slap me on the right cheek, I shall present my left cheek for him/her to slap (not really.. in the context of slapping la but ya just take the analogy laa).. You slam me with your words.. I will not breakdown and lose hope.. I will press on and continue to hold my smile.. I'm not forcing the smile no.. It's just me wanting to keep smiling till your heart softens.. man how great this feels.. Punching the walls is giving me bad bruises.. I should stop doing that but somehow my violent tendencies are haunting me.. Trying to stop but always realised it only after the bruises appear.. Man I must be careful man..
Jerlyn and Pollyna are da BEST! Ramli Burger is so tasty! HAHA! AND extremely sinful!
*******************************************
Felt really bad today:(( After I received my Economics results.. I wonder why I cried too.. I felt a sudden surge of uselessness and how I am such a failure..Like I mean I just dont know why things are spinning out of my control.. I know Im more than just this I know I can even clinch that A if I want to Oh boy I can ..but at that point of time, my confidence was so low it really made my emotional boat sink really deep.. I felt like.. Hmmm. Felt a little better after that.. My dear rachel never fail to make me laugh.. Man Im ever so bless to have loving friends around me.. I pulled myself together and I am moving on.. OH YES!=))
Come what may.. I will love you until my dying day..
My 61th parchment:
This song came to head when I was gonna write for this post..
Come what May - A song from the movie 'Moulin Rouge'
Come What May Lyrics
Never knew I could feel like this Like I've never seen the sky before Want to vanish inside your kiss Everyday I love you more and more Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings Telling me to give you everything Seasons may change winter to spring But I love you until the end of time
Come what may, come what may I will love you until my dying day
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste It all revolves around you
And there's no mountain too high no river too wide Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide But I love you until the end of time
Come what may, come what may I will love you until my dying day Oh come what may, come what may I will love you
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place...
Come what may, come what may I will love you until my dying day
The lyric struck me so strongly.. Every word sung by Christian(Ewan Mcgregor) and Satine(Nicole Kidman) .. You feel the love, pain and passion they had to go through. This song represents a certain part of my life too.. I relate :))
************************************************
Today is a special day! I dedicate HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY to all that have helped me in life be academically or whether a life lesson.. You guys are my teachers:))
I'm peering out of the window now.. The skies are gray.. The wind is blowing.. It looks like it's gonna rain.. I like this weather.. Gray skies and cold breeze.. Sometimes life indeed shouldn't be too happy yea? Haha.. No one's life is as sunny as a sunny day..
Okay, it's staring to rain.. Hey I would wanna live in a place called greyfalls.. Haha.. Live in a house near a countryside.. I can ride my bike to school or to work.. After school, make my way to the bookstore and see what's new then maybe get a book and walk to a coffeehouse down the streets then drink (No not drink coffee-.-) maybe frappe but I do like the smell of coffee beans though.. then after that play a game of basketball or baseball with little kids in the park.. ride my bike home and study a little(maybe not) haha.. Hmmm.. then dinner with family then time to do school work! Haha! Then gaze at the stars with a few close friends at night.. Talk about everything in life.. Wah.. I would love life like this! Okay I think too much but I really like that..
Pray the rain will keep fallin.. Rain Rain don't go away.. Come again everyday..
*********************************************
2 Corinthians 6:4 (New King James Version)
4 But in all things we commend ourselves as ministers of God: in much patience, in tribulations, in needs, in distresses,
WHOA! Today's CG prayer Meeting was powerful.. though my part seem disappointing but man D10 really rock the house.. I prayed for friends to come this weekend.. Man I really hope everyone can make it.. How I wish people can be impacted by God..
Today, I took the first step. I called and spoke something I use to find difficult but Clarrie is learning to accept people around her and the love they constantly give that I selfishly rejected. I'm growing unknowingly I guess.. Okay still have yet done econs tuition homework. DIE LER! Hmm.. Tonight must chiong!
This entire week is gonna be so packed because I'm gonna squeeze the entire J1 syllabus into my head(hopefully) for all my 4 main subjects. Man.. Possible? Of course it's possible, I believe I can! Okay have to start planning my study plan.. Seriously, I don't understand why we are back for lesson during our sept holidays.. It's really unproductive and it interrupts our own study plan . TSK.
***************************************
These days.. I feel pretty empty.. I feel like a hollow sphere.. I'm not sad or angry but not entirely happy either.. It's just ..empty.. I think I need to sit down and start thinking what I want and see myself in 5 years or even 10 years.. I should not let my head get irritated by the little silly things that are surrounding me.. Think BIGGER! C'mon.. For as long I have You with me, I have nothing to fear :))
Suppose to pray with Yanjun last night but I dozed off.. Hmmm She will be coming to my house later! Hmm can pray together with her :)) Can ask Kendra to join tooo..
Clarrie, pull yourself up from this mess that you have created.. and cast away those feelings and focus on more important things like studies, family and friends.. Don't disappoint those who ever so love you.. And don't look down on yourself.. You have been created for a purpose.. Yes.. So cast away those inferiorities and move on with life!
'.. that there is a miracle waiting for you this minute, - please make room for it in your thinking.'
God has no need to prove anything to you, so if you don't believe in miracles, you are not likely to receive one. How do you believe in miracles? You believe by keeping your eyes open, - miracles often come in ways unexpected, and might leave unrecognized unless you pay attention.
Cast those insecurities away.. and those feelings away
My 64th parchment:
Had tuition in the afternoon! Goodness me.. Hate Economics but i shall learn to love it..
Whoa! Relevance today and bearing fruit.. Man it can't get any better.. Worship was amazing..
..had a talk in which I stumbled over my words..Sometimes it's so difficult it's as if I'm shouting out but there 's no voice coming out.. I'm loss for words.. I wonder why it always gets me this hard..
Had supper with mummy after I reached homeeee!
**************************************
I'm worried.. The feelings I'm getting is scaring me again.. I want it to go away but it won't.. It's annoying me so much.. it's back to haunt me again..I'm scared.. Can it please go away.. It's really getting on my nerves everytime I feel like that.. Can you give me an answer? If this continues, I swear i don't know what to do.. I'm terrified at the state of my normality.. I think I'm abnormal.. I have lost so many things throughout my 17 years of living.. Don't let me lose a friend yet again because of this silly thing.. Cast away everything please..
Sometimes I think if I was given a choice, I hope I could never feel or have any emotion cos it's affecting me too much.. I cannot take it..
Man, the headaches are killing me..Okay gotta sleep early man..
Ignore me.. But not too long k? It's cold to stand out here alone
My 63rd parchment:
Clarrie didn't go school today.. Slight sore throat and headache.. Hmm Got well after a good sleep.. Met someone name Keric from Deyi today.. Awesome fellow.. Accompanied Yanjun to buy her nanny stuff for a bunch of Jap 'babies' tomorrow.. Haha.. Happiest time of the day man.. Everybody needs to rest more k.. All look so tired.. Hmm=((
********************************
These days are pretty cold.. Even when the sun is shining ever so brightly.. Oh. Because I mastered the art of invisibility. Hey it works so well even I cannot believe it.. The sheer emptiness is so reachable that I don't have to stretch out for it.. cos it's just right in my face.. ah! it triggered some inspiration of mine
Blindsight
I stand in the doorway looking back
I see everything but who gives a heck
I silently mouth the word ' Bye'
Hoping to hear a faint... 'bye'
but hey, it's okay.. I'm fine
I laughed at my own joke behind the door
I talk to myself so I know it's not hollow
I write notes to myself so I feel a presence
Yet only my dog stares at me when I'm done
but hey, it's okay.. I'm fine
Soon, there was no jokes, laughter or voice
I could laugh no further or bear writing notes
Even the dog wandered off to sleep-bored , I guess
Told myself hey, it's okay.. I'm fine
I guess it's just a blindsight.. should be fine..
Clarrie Ng 2358hr
Fresh from my head.. I guess this is how it goes.. Facing all these.. I have been warned .. C'mon.. It's not over! I'll show you who's losing the fight because that person aint me! I'm standing ever so tall and high.. You haven't seen the BEST of me yet.. Take the arrows and shoot me all over again.. yeah.. it hurts but nah.. after sometimes, I get immuned to the pain.. It's not painful anymore.. no more.. more painful as it gets..
Just keep loving.. Throw that temper away and just smile
My 62nd parchment:
((= Throw that temper away.. Just keep smiling..It' s not that difficult to smile eh? I just learn it today. With one smile, I raise the smiles of several others.. Wah.. I'm not gonna be bitter.. No.. You see the faces when people eat bittergourd.. Scrunched and twisted.. Man.. I would not like that face haha.. When people slap me on the right cheek, I shall present my left cheek for him/her to slap (not really.. in the context of slapping la but ya just take the analogy laa).. You slam me with your words.. I will not breakdown and lose hope.. I will press on and continue to hold my smile.. I'm not forcing the smile no.. It's just me wanting to keep smiling till your heart softens.. man how great this feels.. Punching the walls is giving me bad bruises.. I should stop doing that but somehow my violent tendencies are haunting me.. Trying to stop but always realised it only after the bruises appear.. Man I must be careful man..
Jerlyn and Pollyna are da BEST! Ramli Burger is so tasty! HAHA! AND extremely sinful!
*******************************************
Felt really bad today:(( After I received my Economics results.. I wonder why I cried too.. I felt a sudden surge of uselessness and how I am such a failure..Like I mean I just dont know why things are spinning out of my control.. I know Im more than just this I know I can even clinch that A if I want to Oh boy I can ..but at that point of time, my confidence was so low it really made my emotional boat sink really deep.. I felt like.. Hmmm. Felt a little better after that.. My dear rachel never fail to make me laugh.. Man Im ever so bless to have loving friends around me.. I pulled myself together and I am moving on.. OH YES!=))
Come what may.. I will love you until my dying day..
My 61th parchment:
This song came to head when I was gonna write for this post..
Come what May - A song from the movie 'Moulin Rouge'
Come What May Lyrics
Never knew I could feel like this Like I've never seen the sky before Want to vanish inside your kiss Everyday I love you more and more Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings Telling me to give you everything Seasons may change winter to spring But I love you until the end of time
Come what may, come what may I will love you until my dying day
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste It all revolves around you
And there's no mountain too high no river too wide Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide But I love you until the end of time
Come what may, come what may I will love you until my dying day Oh come what may, come what may I will love you
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place...
Come what may, come what may I will love you until my dying day
The lyric struck me so strongly.. Every word sung by Christian(Ewan Mcgregor) and Satine(Nicole Kidman) .. You feel the love, pain and passion they had to go through. This song represents a certain part of my life too.. I relate :))
************************************************
Today is a special day! I dedicate HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY to all that have helped me in life be academically or whether a life lesson.. You guys are my teachers:))
I'm peering out of the window now.. The skies are gray.. The wind is blowing.. It looks like it's gonna rain.. I like this weather.. Gray skies and cold breeze.. Sometimes life indeed shouldn't be too happy yea? Haha.. No one's life is as sunny as a sunny day..
Okay, it's staring to rain.. Hey I would wanna live in a place called greyfalls.. Haha.. Live in a house near a countryside.. I can ride my bike to school or to work.. After school, make my way to the bookstore and see what's new then maybe get a book and walk to a coffeehouse down the streets then drink (No not drink coffee-.-) maybe frappe but I do like the smell of coffee beans though.. then after that play a game of basketball or baseball with little kids in the park.. ride my bike home and study a little(maybe not) haha.. Hmmm.. then dinner with family then time to do school work! Haha! Then gaze at the stars with a few close friends at night.. Talk about everything in life.. Wah.. I would love life like this! Okay I think too much but I really like that..
Pray the rain will keep fallin.. Rain Rain don't go away.. Come again everyday..
*********************************************
2 Corinthians 6:4 (New King James Version)
4 But in all things we commend ourselves as ministers of God: in much patience, in tribulations, in needs, in distresses,
WHOA! Today's CG prayer Meeting was powerful.. though my part seem disappointing but man D10 really rock the house.. I prayed for friends to come this weekend.. Man I really hope everyone can make it.. How I wish people can be impacted by God..
Today, I took the first step. I called and spoke something I use to find difficult but Clarrie is learning to accept people around her and the love they constantly give that I selfishly rejected. I'm growing unknowingly I guess.. Okay still have yet done econs tuition homework. DIE LER! Hmm.. Tonight must chiong!
This is the story of girl whose life journey unfolds like a piece of napkin but what's beyond her journey
You shall wait and see..
Perseverance, Hope and Faith
Dream Teamer! AND... Proud to BE ONE!
POOF! ALL GONE
